Monday, November 30, 2009
Dumb men jokes?
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? -- So men can understand them
What is the difference between government bonds and men? -- Government bonds mature
What is a man's idea of helping with the housework? -- Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? - E.T. phoned home.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than women? - When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
What did GOD say after HE created man? - I can do better than this.
How do men define a "50-50" relationship? - women cook/men eat- women clean/men dirty - women iron/men wrinkle
How do men exercise at the beach? - By sucking in their stomach every time they see a bikini.
Dumb men jokes?-Myspace pictures
nice one ^_^
very well said!
Dumb men jokes?
-(Myspace images myspace.com)
lol... a lot of these are completly true... :)
Do u mean all men are dumb maybe some i cant agree more but if mean all of men..thats where i dont agree theres still some great men outthere please dont judge all of us for some you already saw..thank you
Deborah, this part of yahoo Answers is for Jokes and Riddles in case you did not realize it.
Good one!!
dats brill i like it.. so true..hahaha
I love the last one hahahahaha
ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10
Lol, hilarious =P
But, I think some men wont like this.
nice
A Joke Is A Joke, Some Funny Some Not Tho It Would Seem That D Has Had A Humourectomy And Only Recieved 8 TD's For Her Effort.
You Missed The Best One Though.
Why Are Women So Bad At Reverse Parking?
Because Men Tell Them That -- Is Six Inches!
I'd be upset about this if it wasn't for that great picture of you with your titties pressed up against the glass on your 360 profile ;-) Oh and you're Scottish :)
true .lol
These are good and funny 10/10
edit
deborahv get real will ya. This is the JOKE AND RIDDLE section that your lampooning.
Hahaha lol funny.
lol
Deborah,i dont think he has done anything wrong or abused the site because this is the JOKES AND RIDDLES SECTION!!....PLS SEE BEFORE YOU COMMENT...!!!
God said: ''Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.Be masters over the fish and birds and all the animals.'' ''LOOK! I have given you the seed-bearing plants through-out the earth and all the fruit trees for your food and I have given all the grasses and other green plants to the animals and birds for their food.''
lol
haha funny......but not true for all ....as all fingers are fingers but not all fingers are the same.
I dont get upset by these jokes,as I got a sense of humor and also aware of my value !
Thanks for the laugh, especially the last one, it rang a bell, my wife often teased me about it.
ouch, i'm hurt now
star awarded
lol so true, but i've got a blond joke thats not a 1 liner.
A blond goes into work one day and her boss finds her crying her eyes out in the staff room.
"whats the matter, are you allright"
"I got a call from my dad earlier, my mum died this morning" she says crying all the more
"Do you want to go home"
"no, im fine"
"are you sure"
"yes"
So her boss leaves her, 1/2 later he went to check on her, she was crying her eyes out again.
"whats the matter now, do you want to go home"
GULP SNIFFLE "my sister just called" SNIFFLE SNIFFLE SNIFFLE "Her mum died too!"
hehehe, those are soo good and sooo true, pmsl
star time
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Not all blonde jokes are one liners- so here's a couple for you--------------- but can you understand them?
Three women, a Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss, Ms. Taylor, left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that when their boss left, they would all leave early too. The next day, when their boss left, they did too. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Redhead went home to get in a quick workout before her dinner date. The Blonde went home, walked into her bedroom, and saw her husband in bed with her boss. So she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the Redhead talked about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
Blonde Cowboy
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots So the sheriff arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this'? Cowboy: " Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her.... and I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt,..so I did.... Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.. So I did... Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts... So I did... Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of funny and says: "Now let's go to town cowboy...." So here I am.
10 Points- Arpril FOOLS Jokes?
Hi Guys i just asked this question like 3 hours ago, but everyone gave me jokes to do in person.. My Boyfriend is in the navy, and i am gonna have to do a april fools joke over the phone.. Any ideas??
Please help..
THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!!
10 Points- Arpril FOOLS Jokes?-Myspace pictures
tell him your thinking of having your hair shaved off for charity and would he still fancy you
10 Points- Arpril FOOLS Jokes?
-(Myspace images myspace.com)
Im pregnant always works
Tell him you lost the house do to a crazy gambeling night you had in Vegas......
my friend is going to tell my other friend that she is pregnant :)
Call him and tell him you've joined the Navy and you will be there to see him in a few months :)
LOL your evilll but funny.
ok dont do an EVIL joke
ring him up and telll him your a lesbian.
Please don't tell him you're pregnant...that won't be funny considering he is a million miles away!
im sorry, *fake cry a little* im pregnent.
try that one! ;]----well a million took that idea. haha
tell him that u need to tell him a secret.....tell him u havent been completely honest with him. and then blurt out IM A HERMAPHRODITE..and that you are pregnant with your own baby
crashed the car, your pregnant (with him OR not), flooded the home, bought a big toy (like a boat or 4 wheeler or something) just keep it sweet and simple, dont get him upset or mad being so far away, keep it fun
i'm gay, might work
One of the funniest pranks I've ever heard of was from a book called, "Every Trick in the Book" written by The Amazing Jonathan.
Set up:
Using a camcorder or video recorder of some sort, Take a 5-10 minute clip of your bathroom toilet.
The Prank:
Host a gathering or party at your house and while the selected victim is in the bathroom load the clip onto your living room TV screen. When he steps out of the bathroom, get everyone in on the joke and have them point and laugh at the TV(and the victim). He'll soon come to the realization and assume that he was being watched as he went to the bathroom.
if you're waiting for his call...have a brother,or guy friend, or whatever answer the house phone. or if you call him...talk to him some, then tell him you need to take care of that pie in the oven very quick or something and to hold on a sec. then have your guy friend answer the phone with "hello? hey honey! are you on the phone with someone?". of course, clear it all up before you end the phone call. lol
Telling himh you are pregnant when you are not is not funny, nor would telling him you died.. Would you like it if he had someone call you, and tell you he was dead? and it be a joke..Ummm I dont think sooooooooooooo
You're getting his name tattood on ur ***.
The house has been burned down.
You been having an affair with his sister/ another woman.
You shaved your hair off as it was set on fire by the stove..
You brought a BMW.
You fantasize about having a 3 som with him n his brother/sister/uncle etc.
You're getting your tonsils removed tomorrow so wont be able to talk to him for a cuple of weeks then call him the next day and say hello darling.
I dno.. lol have fun!
tell him you wanna break up and then "drop the phone" and pretend 2 have sex rite there and moan and everything (have ur bro or guy frend do other noises) good luck. then call him in the morning and pretend nothing happened
tell him your pregnant and if he asks how be like you wer elonely one night and his friend came ver to keep you company and then he's really going to flip and then tell him APRIL FOOLS! lol
Tell him you're pregnant. Edit: Great minds think alike!
Im pregnent
Tell him you're pregnant. :s (if you're really not already)
Wow, Im slow... a few other people gave the same answer while I typed mine. :p
Tell him your pregnant or you found someone new.
tell him that you are pregnant.......from another man..hahahaha...that would suck if it were true...
Give him a singing telegram that you died
Or
Give him a singing telegram that you are pregnant and that he should of stayed out of your pants :P
Tell him you met this guy and got married and pregnant and its gonna be twin girls
Yo Momma Jokes...?
Share your yo momma jokes...
Mine:
Yo Momma's so fat that she got stopped by the Airport security for carrying 200 pounds of crack...
Yo Momma Jokes...?-Myspace pictures
yo mamma is so fat that went to the big screen (movies) she was the big screen
Yo Momma Jokes...?
-(Myspace images myspace.com)
your mama's so broke she had to put a hamburger on lay-away
your momma,s so ugly that when she walks in the room the mice throw themselves on the traps
Why don't you watch the show Yo Momma on MTV.
I seen the sneak peck and it is coming out on August!
yo momma's so fat she went on a weight machine and the machine gave her a slip that said "one at a time"
yo mama's like a doorknob everyone gets a turn
yo mama's like a racetrack, she burns fifty rubbers a day.
yo mama's so fat, she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out
yo mama's like a bubblegum machine, everyone gets a piece
yo mama so cross eyed, when she cries tears, tears roll down her back.
yo mama so ugly, she looked out a window and got a ticket for mooning.
lol crack good one
Text messaging jokes?
Im always getting text messages jokes on my cell. Anyone has any idea where to find them on the net.
Text messaging jokes?-Myspace pictures
I dunno....
I did a quick search and found this.. i'm sure if you don't like this one there are others out there you'd like if you'd search em.
http://www.b4u.com/?lng_id=102%26amp;lng=en
Text messaging jokes?
-(Myspace images myspace.com)
nope---the internets way too complicated to figure that one out.
nope well maybe www.funnyjunk.com or www.comedycentral.com
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
jokes.com
jokekesandriddles.com
ahajokes.com
dumb.com
arcamax.com/jokes
You best jokes ever....?
im really depressd...nd i wanna cheer up...tell me sum jokes pls???
You best jokes ever....?-Myspace pictures
A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.
The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.
Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.
Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."
"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."
He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.
"Who the **** are you?" the man asks
"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."
The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"
The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.
"Those little bastards!"
You best jokes ever....?
-(Myspace images myspace.com)
O.K. you want some jokes. Do you want pictures? Most likely not. Family reunions is a great place to find jokes. How about the story of the mule egg. Once a pon a time there were two farmers. One farmer said to the other one. "Did you know that mules were not born but hatched?" His friend looked at him and said. "No, they are born." The farmer said, "Nope my friend they are hatched." "Here let me show ya" They go to the barn and get a wheel berrel and fill it full of large ostridge eggs. As they walk along the bumpy road in front of the barn, the farmer says "Now just watch and you'll see what I mean." Sure enough as the farmer and his friend walk along they hit a bump in the road. Two ostridge eggs roll out of the wheel berrel and roll behind a large rock. Two big jack rabbits jump up from the rock and run into the field. The farmer sees the large flopping ears and says, "See there, I just hatched out two more mule eggs!" Well, o.k. it's not a joke but a dumb story.
Shopping spree
Christmas was approaching, and the kindly judge was not averse to showing leniency when he could.
Mr. Williams, can you explain to the court if there were extenuating circumstances that led to you being caught carrying items you didn閳ユ獩 pay for from the store?
Yes, your honor, I wasn閳ユ獩 really stealing, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early.閳?br> What do you mean early? The judge enquired. Christmas is just five days away.
Well, I was doing my shopping at 4:30am. The store opens 8:00am.
Any good jokes to day?
I'd love to hear some good jokes
Any good jokes to day?-Myspace pictures
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
1.Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4.Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
5.Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6.Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7.Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8.This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9.Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
10.This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
11.To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
12.BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13.COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
14.CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N).
15.File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N).
16.Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N).
17.Runtime Error 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent User.
18.Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N).
19.WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL %26amp; PAPER.SYS).
20.User Error: Replace user.
21.Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)".
22.Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
23.If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?
24.Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
Any good jokes to day?
-(Myspace images myspace.com)
3 fisher men went fishing one caut a mermaid the mermaid sed i will give you each a wish if you let me go, so the 1st fisherman asked for his intelligence to be doubled when he went home he started writing poetry and got rich and famous the 2nd fisherman asked for his intelligence tripled when he went home he started to play piano and got rich and famous the 3rd fisherman asked for his intelligence quadrupled the mermaid sed i don't think you will like the out come but the fisherman told her to do it any way when he went home he looked in the mirror and say he was a girl. (this is agents boys sorry guys)
(1)Here's one that's a bit vulger and long:
There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."
(2)Here's another:
Two guys are sitting at the bar, guy 1 turns to guy 2 and says, "I f*cked your mom!"
The bar goes silent, and everyone turns and looks at the two guys.
Once again guy 1 says, "I f*cked your mom!"
To which guy 2 replies, "Shut up dad, you're drunk."
(3)...and another:
There's a man walking through the desert with only his camel, when suddenly he gets the urge to have sex. Seeing that there's no one around, he tries to screw the camel, but it runs off. He runs and catches up to it and the man and his camel keep treking through the desert, when all of a sudden he gets the urge again. The man tries to have his way with the camel again, and once again it runs off. He catches up again and they keep walking until they get to a road where he sees a car broken down. The man goes up to the car and sees three of the most breath taking young women he's ever seen in his life, and asks if he can help. The women say that if the man can fix their car that they'll do ANYTHING for him, so he takes a look at their car and gets it running. Stunned, the young women ask what he would like them to do. To which the man replies, "Can you hold my camel?"
(4)One more:
Three men get snowed in at a ski resort and have to get a room. When they get to the room, they notice that there is only one bed. They figure that this isn't a problem and that they'll share the bed. They wake up the next morning and the man sleeping on the right side of the bed said, "I had the best dream that this beautiful woman was jerking me off all night!"
The man who slept on the left side of the bed said, "That's wierd, I had the same dream!"
To which the man who slept in the middle replied, "Uh oh... I had a dream that I was skiing!"
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
a: 45 pounds
What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
a: 45 minutes
you're so fat the last time you saw a breast was at KFC.
you're so poor that at the same time you walk in the house, you step back out.
you're mommas so wide that when she sits around the house she literally sits AROUND the house.
This is my own story
Once i went to my school without my id card and i have to sing the prayer song . The Principal of our school is a person who is so kind . But his assistant was so rough . When i came to his office i was so scared
The funny thing is that he didn't wear his id card and shoes too ...
two newborn babies were in the hospital nursery.
one baby turned to the other and said, "i am a girl."
the other baby says "how do you know?"
and the first baby says "i heard my mommy say so."
then the second baby says, "well, i am a boy."
the first baby says,"how do you know"
just then the second baby pulls his blanket back and says proudly "SEE, BLUE BOOTIES!"
whats the difference between a roast and pea soup?
anyone can roast a roast.....
http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html...
There's a lost hot air balloonist over a farm so he calls out
"Ahoy, can anyone tell me where I am?"
A surprised farmer looks up and answers
"You can't fool me, you're in that basket up there!"
Also, the Hekawi tribe one is funny.
The Hekawi was a tribe of pygmies. When they got lost in long grass they would jump up and down and yell
"We're the Hekawi! We're the Hekawi!" (Where the heck are we?)
Optionally, it's the Fukawi tribe
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