Any good jokes to day?

I'd love to hear some good jokes

Any good jokes to day?-Myspace pictures

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

1.Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

2.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

3.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

4.Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

5.Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

6.Close your eyes and press escape three times.

7.Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

8.This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

9.Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

10.This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

11.To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

12.BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

13.COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

14.CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N).

15.File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N).

16.Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N).

17.Runtime Error 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent User.

18.Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N).

19.WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL %26amp; PAPER.SYS).

20.User Error: Replace user.

21.Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)".

22.Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...

23.If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?

24.Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

Any good jokes to day?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

3 fisher men went fishing one caut a mermaid the mermaid sed i will give you each a wish if you let me go, so the 1st fisherman asked for his intelligence to be doubled when he went home he started writing poetry and got rich and famous the 2nd fisherman asked for his intelligence tripled when he went home he started to play piano and got rich and famous the 3rd fisherman asked for his intelligence quadrupled the mermaid sed i don't think you will like the out come but the fisherman told her to do it any way when he went home he looked in the mirror and say he was a girl. (this is agents boys sorry guys)
(1)Here's one that's a bit vulger and long:

There's a trucker driving along the highway in Nevada, and he starts to get really horny. He then sees a sign for a Brothel (whore house) 10 miles away. He begins to get very excited when he spots a note at the bottom of the sign which says: "Beware of Sandpaper Sally." He thinks this is a bit wierd but keeps driving and gets hornier and hornier. He finally gets to the Brothel, throws money down on the table, and says: "I want a whore." to which a woman repeats: "Okay, but the only girl we have left is Sally." He decides to take the offer and runs up to the room he's told Sally is in. He opens the door and sees the prettiest blond he's ever seen in his life, throws her down on the bed and procedes to have his way with her when he notices that she is a bit rough and dry down there. He asks what's wrong with her and she gets up and goes to the bathroom. She comes back and they start again. He says that it feels great and asks what she did. To which she replies:"I picked the scabs."

(2)Here's another:

Two guys are sitting at the bar, guy 1 turns to guy 2 and says, "I f*cked your mom!"

The bar goes silent, and everyone turns and looks at the two guys.

Once again guy 1 says, "I f*cked your mom!"

To which guy 2 replies, "Shut up dad, you're drunk."

(3)...and another:

There's a man walking through the desert with only his camel, when suddenly he gets the urge to have sex. Seeing that there's no one around, he tries to screw the camel, but it runs off. He runs and catches up to it and the man and his camel keep treking through the desert, when all of a sudden he gets the urge again. The man tries to have his way with the camel again, and once again it runs off. He catches up again and they keep walking until they get to a road where he sees a car broken down. The man goes up to the car and sees three of the most breath taking young women he's ever seen in his life, and asks if he can help. The women say that if the man can fix their car that they'll do ANYTHING for him, so he takes a look at their car and gets it running. Stunned, the young women ask what he would like them to do. To which the man replies, "Can you hold my camel?"

(4)One more:

Three men get snowed in at a ski resort and have to get a room. When they get to the room, they notice that there is only one bed. They figure that this isn't a problem and that they'll share the bed. They wake up the next morning and the man sleeping on the right side of the bed said, "I had the best dream that this beautiful woman was jerking me off all night!"

The man who slept on the left side of the bed said, "That's wierd, I had the same dream!"

To which the man who slept in the middle replied, "Uh oh... I had a dream that I was skiing!"
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

a: 45 pounds

What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?

a: 45 minutes
you're so fat the last time you saw a breast was at KFC.

you're so poor that at the same time you walk in the house, you step back out.

you're mommas so wide that when she sits around the house she literally sits AROUND the house.
This is my own story

Once i went to my school without my id card and i have to sing the prayer song . The Principal of our school is a person who is so kind . But his assistant was so rough . When i came to his office i was so scared

The funny thing is that he didn't wear his id card and shoes too ...
two newborn babies were in the hospital nursery.

one baby turned to the other and said, "i am a girl."

the other baby says "how do you know?"

and the first baby says "i heard my mommy say so."

then the second baby says, "well, i am a boy."

the first baby says,"how do you know"

just then the second baby pulls his blanket back and says proudly "SEE, BLUE BOOTIES!"
whats the difference between a roast and pea soup?

anyone can roast a roast.....
http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html...
There's a lost hot air balloonist over a farm so he calls out

"Ahoy, can anyone tell me where I am?"

A surprised farmer looks up and answers

"You can't fool me, you're in that basket up there!"

Also, the Hekawi tribe one is funny.

The Hekawi was a tribe of pygmies. When they got lost in long grass they would jump up and down and yell

"We're the Hekawi! We're the Hekawi!" (Where the heck are we?)

Optionally, it's the Fukawi tribe