Tell Some Jokes?

I've had a depressing day, tell me some jokes please?

Tell Some Jokes?-Myspace pictures

Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave.

They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff has assured

them that the pilots will be there soon, and the flight can take off

imediately after that. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms--both are wearing dark glasses,one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that

they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport

territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it

will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin--but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.

The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says,

"You know,Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, andwe're all gonna die.."

Tell Some Jokes?

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I am very glad I made you happy. We need a lot more laughter in this world. Report It


A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

"Ten pounds," he replies.

"We閳ユ獟l have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.

About 9 a.m., there閳ユ獨 a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading 閳ユ窔f You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.閳?br>

The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He閳ユ獨 lost 10 pounds!

That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."

"We閳ユ獟l send someone over."

The next morning, he閳ユ獨 greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads 閳ユ窔f You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.閳?The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he閳ユ獨 lost 20 pounds!

That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"

"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That閳ユ獨 an awful lot."

The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"

About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads 閳ユ窔f I catch you閳ワ腹鈧絸||An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
There are 4 people on a plane. The president, a Sheriff, and a little boy and his grandpa. The plane is heading strait for a cliff, and there's only enough parachutes for 3 people. The president grabs ones and say's, "I'm too important to die!", and jumps. The Sheriff grabs the next one and says, "I have a family waiting, can't die now!", and also jumps. Now that there's one parchute left, the Grandpa turns to the little boy, sighs, and says, "I'm getting on in my years, and I think it's best for you to survive this journey so that you can have many more ahead of you. Take this, and jump." Then the little boy looks at him with a smile and replies, "It's ok grandpa, the Sheriff took my backpack."
Q: What does a guy cow eat?

A: haaaaaayy

~*~

Q: Why was Piglet looking in the toilet?

A: He was looking for Pooh

~*~

Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?

A: Law School

~*~

*Knock, knock

Whos there?

*Who cares? Your moms a ho

~*~

Last but not least- funny video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7...
how do` u excite a blind quer?

leave the plunger in the toilet

what do u see when the pillsbury doe boy bends over?

doughnuts

whats green and red and goes 100mph?

a frog in a blender

thanks u been a good crowd try the sushi
lol
two wives were talking... wife 1 says." my husband doesn't want to have sex anymore what is wrong with me?"

wife 2 tells her.."this is what you do. you go buy a pair of crouchless panties and sit on the recliner with your legs spread open and when your husband comes home ask if he wants to have sex i promise it will work." wife 1 says "ok" and goes out to buy her some crouchless panties. she puts them on, sat on the chair with her legs open, and when her husband came home she says. " hey you wanna have sex?" her husband says," hell no, look what that **** did to your panties.
I hope these sites give you hours of fun in reading some of the funniest jokes around.

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index...

http://www.ahajokes.com/

http://www.ahajokes.com/kids_jokes.html

http://xtraedition.indiatimes.com/articl...

http://www.byrum.org/the.web.walker/tast...

http://www.thefunnypages.com/

http://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.h...

http://www.landbigfish.com/jokes/default...
This man goes to the doctors as he is having problems getting an irrection.

When he arrives home he's stood there in top hat and tails holding a cane. His wife looks at him asks what the doctor said,and why was he dressed like that.

"The doctor said i was important" he replied,"and important i'm gonna look."

Two nuns walking down the street when a naked man walked by them,one had stroke,the other one couldn't reach.

These two horses are stood at a bar when a dog comes in and orders a drink.The horses look at each other and one says to the other "well i never knew dogs could talk."

This guy goes into a bar and orders a drink.He opens his bag,pulls out a small piano and a man1foot high,sits him by the piano and begins to have his drink.

The bar man looks at the guy and asks him what's with the piano and the little guy.

The man replies that he met a genie that day and was granted a wish.

The barman says "and that's what you asked for".

"Did i heck",replied the man "how did i know he was deaf,i wanted a 12 inch penis.