I need a few good jokes again! I rate all my answers! Please do the same!?

Id appreciate if you rated my question and others jokes..I need to find an awesome one. Please have some manors, I WILL rate every answer according to how I feel about them...Thumbs down if you dont give me what I need and answer anyway...No thumbs if I dont like the joke...Definit thumbs up if I like or love it! The best will get my over all choice, I use your opinion (thumbs) to deside! Thank you!!!

I need a few good jokes again! I rate all my answers! Please do the same!?-Myspace pictures

- A man complaind to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor."

"Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "There's a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."

The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited $10.

The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off.

After a pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. your elbow will be better in two weeks.

That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud.

To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. to top it all off, he masturbated into the jar. He took his concoction down to the drugstore, poured it into the machine and deposited $10.

The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:

Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.

Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.

Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in Rehab.

Your wife is pregnant. It's not your baby. Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

I need a few good jokes again! I rate all my answers! Please do the same!?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

this one is from Family Guy

"how many monkeys does it take to skrew in a light bulb?

3, 1 to skrew it in and 2 to throw feces at each other"

of course it doesn't make sense and is stupid, but that's the point
well i tell you one thing im never going 2 jc penny again i got in trouble for fundling up a manican in the store but she had silky dark hair and just a bra and panties if you ask me the little whore was asking for it dont you agree
3 scientists are exploring in a jungle, when they come across an elephant. they wonder, "what would happen if we plugged up the elephant's butt?" they stick a cork up the elephant's butt, and leave it to go explore another part of the jungle. during the time that they left the elephant, they were training a monkey to take the cork out of a bottle, and a banana would pop out of the bottle if the monkey succeeded. about 8 months later, the scientists went back to that very same spot, bringing the monkey with them. they found the elephant,as huge as a whale. they let the monkey go take the cork out. and at the moment the cork comes out, THE CR*P JUST GOES FLYIN' EVERYWHERE!!! when the giant explosion of cr*p ends, EVERYTHING around the elephant was covered with cr*p! one of the scientists is LAUGHING. the 2 other ones look at him like he's crazy, and ask, "why are you laughing? you're covered with elephant cr*p!!!" the scientist laughs harder and says, "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON THE MONKEY'S FACE!!!"

i posted this one a month ago as a joke. choose me as best answer! plzzzz!!!
Well this is my favorite joke and I hope I tell it right.

Bob goes away for a week and he asks his brother to watch his beloved cat 'Fluffy'. Bob calls his brother one day to see how Fluffy is. His brother says you cat died. Bob is very upset, after awhile he calms done and yells at his brother" You don't just blurt it out like that, you should tell it slow. Like your cat climb out the window and up a tree, when we tried to get him down he fell and did not make" The brother said he was sorry Ok says Bob how is Mom doing "Well" his brother said "She climbed out the window and.....
99% of people who live in the city say oh sh**right before they have a wreck right before they have accident, Where I come from they say hold my beer and watch this sh**.
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and she would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Are you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." She just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"
Well, i don't have a joke but o well. :( :) :( :) :D :P :( :) :O :D :S :P :) :( :B :) :P :( D lol