I need a good riddle/jokes?

i need some really good jokes the best riddle/ jokes gets 10 points!

I need a good riddle/jokes?-Myspace pictures

A Priest, A Drunkard And An Engineer

A priest, a drunkard, and an engineer are sentenced to death by guillotine. The executioner asks the priest if he wants to face upward or downward when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to die face up, so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies.

The blade of the guillotine is raised and released. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. This is seen as a sign from God, and the priest is set free.

Next, the drunkard goes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. Once again, the blade stops inches from the throat. Again, a miracle, and the drunkard is set free.

The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. The executioner slowly raises the blade of the guillotine. Suddenly the engineer exclaims, "Wait a minute! I see what your problem is."

I need a good riddle/jokes?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

on a friday aftertoon a man named Johnny was killed in his famous castle. Before he was killed there were 5 people there and each had made a statement;

Johnny's Wife: I didn't kill him. i was sleep all day.

Plumber: I didn't kill him. I was fixing the Toilet

Johnny's sister: why would i kill him? He is my bro'

Johhny's best friend: I didn't kill him, i was playing Chess with his wife all day.

Base on the statements, who KILLED Johnny?

Johnny's wife killed Johnny becuase she said she was sleep all day when Johnny's best friend said he was playing chess with her all day so how was she sleep?

____________________________________

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and

said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will

surely die".

1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send

him off to work in a good mood.

2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and

put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back

to work.

3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't

burden him with household chores.

4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy

his every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor

had told her.

"You're going to die," she replied.
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...

Why don't aliens eat clowns.

Because they taste funny.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

el-if-i-no

Two peanuts walk into a bar.

One was a salted.

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:

"Man it's hot in here!!!!"

The other muffin exclaims,

"Look a talking muffin!!!!" There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?

The one on the range.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?

Cut off your head.

A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says

"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?

A. Where you left it.

Q. What's pink and fluffy

A. Pink fluff

Q. What's blue and fluffy

A. Pink fluff holding it's breath

Two muffins are in the oven.

One says to the other "God it's hot in here"

The other one replies "Oh no... It's a talking muffin

hope u like em
This one always kills. :D

I think you'll find plenty of good jokes on your own.

But there's always one that sticks out. :)

Here it is:

What did the hobo get for Christmas?

nothing.
don't worry about it because I kno you!!!

hahahahah

thats funny because you tried to cut out your face and I stil know you

hahahahahahah