Any one know any jokes that can cheer me up?

Feeling really down at the moment. Had plans which I really screwed up. Why do we do that? Anyone know any jokes that can cheer me up?

Any one know any jokes that can cheer me up?-Myspace pictures

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquires.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read The Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn how to pray and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responds.

The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and says, "George, put your beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Any one know any jokes that can cheer me up?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

what did the blondes right leg say toher left leg?

nothing theyve never met
Paddy is driving home from his Xmas do and is well pi55ed. He swerves to avoid a tree...then another...then another.

Plod stops him and says "Feck sake, Paddy!! You are blocked!"

"No!" says Paddy and explains about swerving to avoid trees in the road.

"Yes you are, ye ijit" says plod " That's yer feckin' air freshener"

xxB
A papa mole a mama mole and a baby mole live in one hole. The papa sticks his head out of the top of the hole and says "I smell honey." The mama mole slides up next to him and says "I smell syrup." The baby mole couldnt fit in between the other 2 moles and he smelt MOLASSES!
Just heard this... not trying to offend anyone, OK?

What is the first sign of AIDS?

a pain in your a*s*s!
think you are having a bad day think of this you are a siamese twin joined at the hip.Your brother is gay and you are not.His lover is on his way over and you only have one @SS

hope this made you smile have a good un
feel like that sometimes this guy has some great jokes on his 360 page and updates all the time

http://360.yahoo.com/profile-c6J5GD8obqU...
why did the boy fall off the swing?..................................... someone threw a Refrigerator at him! :)......................................... i hope it made u smile....its kinda lame i knw...
We have so much in common right now. You have a name which is similar to mine, you joined on my birthday - %26amp; I've screwed up big time, too!!! I haven't got a good joke for you, but I want you to know you're not the only one out there who's messed up - %26amp; that it WILL come good for you.
A little Shakespoke

The elephant is a dainty bird,

he flits from bough to bough,

He builds his nest in a Rhubarb tre,

and whistles like a cow xx
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, he doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him." "Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse.

Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs." "Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.

Cheer up it's never that bad :)_ :)
DON'T FART IN BED

If this story doesn't make you cry from laughing so hard, let me know and we'll send someone right over to check your pulse. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting

loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and

the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because

it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was

perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that

one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Christmas

morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs

sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards

and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought

came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and,

gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband

of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting

which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic

footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing,

tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him

back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained

underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked

him what was the matter.

He said, "Darling, you were right. All these years you have warned me

and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,

and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, Vaseline and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in

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|Have you ever seen a dad happy to be cheated on ?

Well a very clever baby was born in essex. He learn everything so fast that we all knew he must have super power.

But it took him so,so long to speak.

His first word was "Grand mum"

It was a celebration. Wow!!!! He spoke....Let call his grand mum he love her so much. The poor thing..

Bad news...Grand mum is dead..

.

A few weeks later, his lips start moving ...We all gather around him .

"Gran ...grand...grand dad" he said

let call the old men , ohh wonderful!!

Bad news ...The grand dad is gone.

The living room was full of people for the sunday match Chelsea v liverpool. When all of the sudden, everyone start running.

"He's going to speak !!!", let go , let go.

Well I did not want to leave the baby alone , and I love being there when story happen . So i made sure I put myself in the corner of the room so the baby can't not see me. You never know.

So he went " Da ...da..daddy.

Oh my God!!! We all felt sorry for Myke. Myke will pass away . He was saying his goodbye when suddenly, we heard cry from next door.

The rich man next door who teach Myke wife how to use her notebook just past away.

Myke jump and jump

"Thank you , thank you for cheating on me my darling . I love you so so much my dear wife.!!!!! Myke told his wife.

It's was the party in the house.

OHH dear !!!!
Okay this one my kids told me.....

Why did tiger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for pooh....

I know kinda of lame but it made me laugh the first time I heard it....
How do you get four poofs on a bar stool?

Turn it upside down!
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN AN ESSEX GIRL IS ABOUT TO (***) SHE STOPS CHEWING HER KEBAB.