Great short jokes, one liners, sms quotes please..?

husband-wife related decent short jokes, one-liners, SMS quotes preferred.

Thank you.

Great short jokes, one liners, sms quotes please..?-Myspace pictures

Wife n hubby had a quarrel

They went for a ride

on the way the saw a farm with pigs roaming around

hubby remarked-"your relatives"

wife-"yup,my inlaws"

Great short jokes, one liners, sms quotes please..?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

knock knock whos there michael jackson
http://www.ahajokes.com/funny_jokes.html

Lots of stuff here.
You might think this is in bad taste.. but it made me laugh.

Person 1: Did you hear Michael Jackson is bringing out a new single!

Person 2: No! What is it?

Person 1: It's a remake of Elton John's song

Person 2: Really? Which one?

Person 1: Yeah, don't let your son go down on me..
Hey there sexy wanna chat? Anyways as i was sayin u hot !!!! DAMN....Shake it on tha floor girl...oh yeah !!! Smack that all on the floor .....!!!! KISSES SEXY LADY..
nock nock

who's their

Boo

Boo who

their their don't cry

( Not really fun )
95% of chevy trucks are still on the road the other 5% made it home.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly."How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
Doctor: "I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live."

Patient: "Oh no! then what's the bad news?"

Doctor: 閳ユ窔 forgot to call you yesterday."

2. Wife: 閳ユ窌ive me some money. I want to buy a bra閳?

Husband: 閳ユ凡hy? You have nothing to put in it!閳?br> Wife: 閳ユ凡ell, You wear shorts!閳?br>

3. Kid: 閳ユ竸ad, I got a role in the school play, I play a man who閳ユ獨 been married for twenty years閳?

Father: 閳ユ翻hat閳ユ獨 great son. One day you閳ユ獟l get a speaking part閳?
1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?

6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

7. I started out with nothing %26amp; still have most of it left.

8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

10. You! Off my planet!

11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

12. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees %26amp; then name streets after them.

16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

17. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

19. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

20. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

22. Stress is when you wake up screaming %26amp; you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

23. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

24. Adults are just kids who owe money.

25. You say I'm a b(itc)h like it's a bad thing.

26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

28. Chaos, panic, %26amp; disorder - my work here is done.

29. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

30. You look like s***. Is that the style now?

31. Earth is full. Go home.

32. Is it time for your medication or mine?

33. Does this condom make me look fat?

34. I plead contemporary insanity.

35. And which dwarf are you?

36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. Meandering to a different drummer.

39. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

40. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
There was a farmer that had 3 lovely daughters. It was Friday and they all were getting ready to go out with dates. The door bell rang and the farmer answered the door.

Hi my name is Joe. I am here to pick up Flo we are going to se a show.

Farmer gives his blessing and tells them to have a good time and be home early.

The door bell rang a 2nd time.

Hi, my name is Eddie, I am here for Betty, we are going to eat Spaghetti.

Farmer gives his blessing and tells them to have a good time and be home early.

The door rang a thrid time.

Hi my name is Chuck.

The farmer shot him.
A little girl went to a wedding service with her mum. She saw the bride.She asked,"Why is the bride wearing white?"

Her mum answered,"Because she is the happiest woman alive."

The girl pointed to a man...."Why is the groom wearing black?"
Here's one for you.

When your husband is angry, dont shout back.

Dont fight just hug him and whisper:

"Stop It! or sleep outside!"

hope that makes you laugh!;)
Knock Knock

Who's there

......................................... don't reply for a good two hours, or until they ask "who's there' again, then you say)

It was a knock and run