Gimme Some JOKES!?

hey! just that ive had a really boring day and need some cool jokes! Please no curse wrds

Gimme Some JOKES!?-Myspace pictures

Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best!

Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pantsand all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand

why they were killing each other over 25 cents

"Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback!

Get the quarterback!'

I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

what do you call a dead blonde in the closet?

last year's hide-n-seek winner.

The blonde couldn't call 911 because she couldn't find the 11 button on the phone.

What does the blonde say when she walks up to the YMCA?

" Look they spelt MACYS wrong "

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Yo mama is so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale.

Yo Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.

Yo Mama is so fat that she got baptized at Sea World

Yo mama's underwear is so full of holes that every time she farts they whistle.

Yo Mama is so fat, the highway patrol made her wear ''Caution! Wide Turns!''

Yo mama is so hairy that she has to part the hair on her butt in order to go to the bathroom.

Yo momma so ugly, when she looked in the

mirror, she even scared herself to death.

Yo momma so fat, that there isn't enough cotton in all of Alabama to make her a pair of pants.

Yo momma so ugly, she got hit with an ugly stick.. no, take that back,... the whole darn tree.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Gimme Some JOKES!?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

This blonde woman was tired of all the 'dumb blonde' jokes she heard from men, so she decided to dye her hair pitch black.

Afterward, she took a drive out in the country side to cool off, but she was still angry that she had to dye her hair a different color.

Suddenly, she saw a farmer standing next to the road tending a large flock of sheep.

She said to herself: " I'm gonna get back at all these men who think I'm dumb and I'm gonna start with this man right here!

She pulled over to the side of the road and motioned the farmer over to her car.

Woman: Mr. Farmer, I've got a proposition for you.

Farmer: What's that little lady?

Woman: If I can guess to the exact number how many sheep are in your flock, can I have one of them?

The farmer thought it over a few seconds and said: Sure thing lady, give it your best shot!

The woman looked over the flock a few seconds and said: 237.

Farmer: Wow, that's amazing. You won the bet fair and square so pick your prize!

The woman picked one up and put it in the back seat.

Farmer: Now little lady, I have a proposition for you!

Women: What's that?

Farmer, grinning: If I can guess the true color of your hair, can I have my dog back?
In The Nursing Home

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart.