Any good jokes???

i used 5 points to ask this so i better get some good answers, lol! no lame jockes... like baby jokes that 6 year olds would find funny... or u can email me(from my page) best answer gets 10 points! good luck!

Any good jokes???-Myspace pictures

It's long but it's funny at the end... might make u happy for few sec :)

A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground .

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The Policeman, thinks I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence..."

*If that still does not make you happy... u can check this video i come across while surfing... very funny.

:-D

http://somethingtolaugh.blogspot.com/

Any good jokes???

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

Why did God create men?

Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Sorry I only read first part of your question.

Orange you glad I didn't say banana.

My wife was always nagging me to go to church. So last Sunday we went. The preacher spoke for an hour and a half about how the man was the king of the castle, the man is head of the house, and the man should make the rules.

When we got home I told my wife from now on it's my way or the highway. I don't want to see you again till you get that straight. I didn't see her for two weeks. Then the swelling went down.

A young doctor was replacing an old country doctor. The young doctor was following the old doctor on his rounds. The older doctor said, I'll take this first one so you can see how it's done. They came to the home of an elderly lady who was complaining of stomach pain. The doctor told the lady to cut back on the fruit and she would be ok. On the way to their next appointment the young doctor asked how he knew to tell the lady to cut back on the fruit. He replied did you see me drop my stethoscope? Well when I bent down to pick it up I noticed the trash can was full of grape stems, apple cores, and orange peels. Now you take the next one. When they arrived another elderly lady was complaining of being fatigued, and not having enough energy. The young doctor told her to cut back on the church work and she would be ok.

The older doctor asked how he knew to tell her to cut back on the church work. He replied, did you see me drop my stethoscope well when I bent down to pick it up I noticed the preacher was under the bed.
Did you hear about the doctor trying to write a prescription and said this damn pen wont worik.

His nurse said but doctor, you are using your rectal thermometer.

He said, I wonder what asshole has my pen??

Two bulls on a hill overlooking a pasture full of cows, younger bull says "wow! look at all those cows, let's run down there and screw some of them"

Old bull says "lets WALK down there and screw all of them"
End any sentance with "EXPLOSIVE DIARIA". It usually gets a nervous laugh!
Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."

The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"

Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."
The blonde jokes rock!
Who Should Be Given the Gift?

A father of five children came home with a toy,summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present,"Who is the most obedient,never talks back to Mother and does everything he or she is told?" he inquired. There was silence,and then a chorus of voices:"You play with it, Daddy!"
A baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

"Are you my doctor?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," said the doctor.

The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"

"Yes, I am," said the mother.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"

"Yes, I am," his father answered.

The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger.

"Hurts doesn't it!"

There was a competition to swim across the English Channel doing

only the breaststroke. Three women entered the race, a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.

About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 6 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and

promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the

reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied,

"I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those

two other girls were using their arms...
Several women were visiting a friend who was abed and ill.

After a short chatty visit they rose to leave and all told her,

"We'll keep you in our prayers."

"Just wash the dirty dishes and laundry," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
Joke:Heaven's Punishment

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.

''Why?'' he asks.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''

''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was

really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the

driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke

up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box

gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought

the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.