Any hilarious jokes?

Ok, I know some jokes, but I really want to hear some new ones. Please help me! Only real answers are accepted. Best answer will be chosen after 2 days

Any hilarious jokes?-Myspace pictures

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.

She runs to her mum and says: "Mommy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.

"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mommy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?" she asks.

"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mommy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mommy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No darling, it's because you're 25."

On a famous TV game show A BLONDE contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'". "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."

The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!

Any hilarious jokes?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

did you hear about the canibal hunter who passed his brother in the woods?
A businessman was passing a State Mental Home when he had a blowout. He pulled over in the grass and wrestled the spare out. Suddenly he noticed all of the lug nuts were lost in the grass. Frantically he searched, but to no avail. He closed the trunk and started to walk away. A voice came from inside a nearby fence. "Hey, where ya going?" He said, "I have an important meeting and I've lost all my lug nuts." The mental patient said, " Just take one off the other three wheels. You can bolt on your tire and make the meeting." The businessman said, "Wow, that's a great idea. I would have never thought of that. Why are you in there, anyway?" Patient said, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not stupid."
wat about dis 1

Would you like a giggle?

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,

"You know what?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad lu ck, f##k off!."
The Father was saying his goodbyes?

to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does, when Mary came up to him in tears.

"What's bothering you so, dear?" asked the .

"Oh, Father, I've got terrible news," replied Mary.

"Well, what is it, Mary?" asked Father .

"Well, my husband passed away last night, Father," said Mary.

"Oh, Mary," said the father. "That's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?"

"Well, yes he did, Father," replied Mary.

"What did he ask, Mary?" said the Father.

"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that gun.'"
A well dressed man on a train took the only available seat, next to a drunk holding a piece if something in his hand, rolling it around, squeezing it, checking it into the light. Finally the well dressed man asks what it is. "Well, it looks like plastic, don't it?" says the drunk. "And it feels like rubber, don't it?" The man takes it, "Yes," he agrees. "It looks like plastic and feels like rubber. Where did you get it?"

"My nose."
Ok this is a blonde joke that i heard like 4ever ago!! Most of the time i dont like to tell blonde jokes but this one is really funny!!

One day, at school, a little blonde girl wearing a dress was asked to climb a pole by these two boys!!

"I'll give you ten dollars if you climb that pole!!" one boy said.

So she climbed the pole and the boys gave her ten dollars!!

When she got home she said, "Look mommy!! I got ten dollars for climbing a pole on the play ground!!"

"Don't do that!! Those boys are just tring to look at your panties!!" her mommy told her.

So the next day the boys said that they would give her fifteen dollars if she climbed the pole again!! So she said that she would!!

When she got home she said, "Look mommy!! I got fifteen dollars today!!"

"I told you not to climb that pole!! Those boys just want to look at your panties!!" her mommy yelled.

So the little girl says,"But I wasn't wearing any panties!!"

I no that it's kinda cheezy, but I laugh every time that I tell it to some one!!
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn閳ユ獩 seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 閳ユ发y friend is dead! What can I do?閳?br>

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: 閳ユ窙ust take it easy. I can help. First, let閳ユ獨 make sure he閳ユ獨 dead.閳?br>

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy閳ユ獨 voice comes back on the line. He says: 閳ユ伐kay, now what?閳ユ絸||A Good Neighbor

Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy birthday, Buddy"