Anyone know of some really funny irish jokes to tell an irishman?

I love offensive humor, and yet I don't know enough jokes poking fun at my own particular race. So have at it, people... I want to hear 'em! Jokes about white people in general are also welcome, but particularly irish jokes.

And for all of you who get pissy about this post, in the words of Carlos Mencia... if you ain't laughin', you ain't livin'. So make me laugh. :P

Anyone know of some really funny irish jokes to tell an irishman?-Myspace pictures

Conas at璋?t鐓?!

No Speaka de English!

A bus stops and 2 Irish men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation that seems to be English. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den Oi come. Den two asses come together. Oi come once a more! Two asses, they come together again. Oi come again and pee twice. Then Oi come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country. We don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

$5.00 says you're gonna read this again!!!

Anyone know of some really funny irish jokes to tell an irishman?

-(Myspace images myspace.com)

I'll show you mine if you show me yours or just show me.
whats the difference between an Irish family reunion and an Irish family funeral?

one less drunk

its old and i told it wrong...oh well
How do you sink an Irish submarine?

Knock on the door

Englishman, Scotsman and Irish man are all caught in a serious criminal act. The sentence was death by firing squad.

As they lined up against the wall they all thought how they could, at a last chance, get out of it. As the squad took aim the English man shouted there's a bomb there's a bomb .. the squad immediately fell to the ground covering their heads and the English guy ran away .... later the Scotsman shouted An Air Raid take cover at which the squad all took cover and he ran off ... the Irish man was unhappy as he could not think of anything then just as the squad took aim he suddenly had a thought and shouted .............. FIRE!!!

Did you hear about the Irishman who drove his car into a river to dip his headlights.

Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman were forming a team to explore a desert. As part of the training they were each asked by a survival tutor what they would take to protect themselves against the heat ...

the Englishman said several gallons of water,

The Scotsman said an umbrella to shade from the sun ..

The Irishman said a car door ...

The tutor said " a car door? why a car door?"

The Irishman said " when it gets too hot, I'll wind the window down and stick my head out to get some air"
Ireland Crash

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.