I need your clean, funny Q%26amp;A Jokes, if there not Question adn Answer, i do not want them, sorry!
Q%26amp;A JOKEs!?-Myspace pictures
What do you get when you cross sneeze and a punchline?
A sick joke.
Q%26amp;A JOKEs!?
-(Myspace images myspace.com)
What is red,black,and white all over?
newspaper
Why did the two blondes walk into the bar?
Because they didn't see it.
George Bush is on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
The Country!!
Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowoman?
Snowballs!!!
For more try www.jokes.com in joke search you can search only QandA jokes
How about some - who said this quotes:
BRAIN CRAMPS
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
````````````````````````````````````````...
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part
of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````...
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
And .
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback %26amp; sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````...
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````...
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
ok
Blonde Jokes
How do you kill a blonde?.....
Scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
How did the blond explain how her helicopter crashed?
She said it was getting cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan.
What's the advantage of being married to a blond?
You can park in handicapped zones.
What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain.
How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
It is the one with the kickstand.
Did you hear about the blond who never learned to water ski?
She couldn't find a lake with a slope.
A blond is going to London on a plane; how can you steal her window seat?
Tell her all seats going to London are in the middle row.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Why don't blonds have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.
Did you hear about the blond who just bought an A.M. radio?
It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea?
She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
Why did the blond stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
What does a postcard from a blonde閳ユ獨 vacation say?
Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Why do blonds have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.
Why did the blond tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Why did the blond get so excited after he finished the jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
Because on the box, it said "From 2-4 years."
Did you hear about the blond who shot an arrow into the air?
She missed.
A young blonde, wanted a pair of alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
"I'll just catch my own alligator," she told one shopkeeper," so I can get a pair of shoes for free.
Later the shopkeeper drove home. He spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou,
shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in. She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watched in amazement
as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
"Darn!" the blonde shouted in dismay. "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
A blonde goes to get her hair cut. The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"
There is a blonde who goes into a store and says, "Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" The guy said, "No, I don't sell anything to blondes." So the blonde goes home colors her hair red and goes back to the store. She says, "Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" He says, "I don't sell anything to blondes." So the blonde goes home, colors her hair pitch black and goes back. She says, "Excuse me sir, can I buy that television?" He says," No I don't sell anything to blondes." She says, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" He says, "Only a blonde would think a microwave is a T.V."
A blond gets tired of it all and dyes her hair. She's now a brunette and feels *much* smarter. Everyone tells her she's smarter. So she goes for a drive in the country one day and stops in a lane which is blocked by a herd of sheep. She gets out, talks to the farmer and says, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" He looks perplexed but says, "Sure." So she says, 閳ユ矾h....157?" He says, "My God, that's correct. Take a sheep. So she wanders among the herd. She likes this one and that one and finally is very attracted to one that wags its tail and likes her. She picks it up and puts in it the car. The farmer says, "Can I make a deal with you?" "Sure," says she. He says, "If I can guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"
A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her Lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman. She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut." The hairdresser checks her out and says, "OK, sit down and take off your headphones." "No way!" shouts the blonde, "If I take off my headphones, I'll die!" "Then I can't give you a haircut," replies the hairdresser. So the blonde gets up and leaves and skates further down the board-walk. She sees another salon, goes in, and says to the hairdresser, "I need a haircut... but you can't take off my headphones or I'll die!" The hairdresser looks at her a little weird, but says, "OK, no problem. Have a seat." So the blonde sits down and the hairdresser comes up behind her, and when she isn't looking, rips the headphones off her head. Suddenly the blonde starts choking, and soon turns blue in the face, then keels over and dies right there in the salon chair. The hairdresser is a little freaked by this. The hairdresser leans over and cautiously listens into the blonde's headphones and hears...
"Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?" She says "No, I'm really a blonde". "I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
Why was the blonde fired from her job at the M%26amp;M's factory? Because she kept throwing out all of the ones marked with a "W"!
How did the blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!
Two men are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State
building drinking, when the first man turns to the other one and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the building is so
intense that it carries you around the building and
back into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping down the bar, but says nothing. The second guy
says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in hell that could happen."
"No, it's true," said the first man,
"let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the street below.
When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor
window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who is astonished."You
know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must've been a
one-time fluke.
That was scientific-ally impossible!"
"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again, just as his body hurtles toward the street, the
10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the elevator back to the
bar. Once upstairs, he successfully urges his dubious fellow drinker to try it. "Well, what the heck," the
second guy says, "I've seen that it works, so I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony, plunges downward....rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th, 7th
floors....his body hits the sidewalk with a loud
"splat."
Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns to the first drinker, and shakes his head. He says..."You know, Superman, you閳ユ獧e a lousy drunk.
